I'm Alexandra, a coach, therapist and DEI consultant. I run programmes to help live your truest life
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Acting is your vocation. It feels like what you’re meant to do on this earth. It sets your soul ablaze, and when you’re performing, you feel like you’re in flow. Time stands still, and you’re energized by the connection with your scene partners. Acting makes life feel meaningful. The thought of not being able to act feels completely devastating. As an actress and acting coach, I know what that feels like.
But acting can also feel like an unrequited love affair. Time and time again, you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and pour 110% of your heart, soul, and mind into the next self-tape, audition, or showcase. You can’t help but hope—hope for a breakthrough, hope that this opportunity will lead to the next big thing. And yet, time and time again, your hopes are dashed. It feels like a toxic relationship, one that leaves you questioning everything.
Familiar thoughts creep in:
You keep going, but the joy starts to fade. The motivation you once had to pursue roles dwindles, leaving you wondering, What now? How can you stay motivated when acting feels like the only thing that gives your life meaning, yet you’re struggling to make it work?
Here are strategies to help you stay motivated even when you’re not booking acting jobs:
In Gestalt Therapy, the Gestalt Cycle explains how fully completing experiences allows us to process and move forward. The cycle includes stages like sensation, awareness, satisfaction, and withdrawal. When we skip stages—especially satisfaction and withdrawal—we struggle to move on.
Even if you didn’t land the role, there’s satisfaction to be found in the process. Consider everything that went well:
Pause and acknowledge these victories. If you find it hard to celebrate yourself, imagine it’s your best friend who achieved these things. Could you praise them? Now try turning that praise inward. You might even give yourself a hug—self-hugs can release oxytocin, just like hugs from others.
Withdrawal, is where we digest, reflect, and heal. It’s okay to feel disappointed and take time to process. Give yourself permission to:
In Gestalt Therapy, this phase is called the “Fertile Void”—a space where you can rest and reset. In Gestalt Therapy, this phase is called the “Fertile Void”—a space where you can rest and reset. In Gestalt Therapy, this phase is called the “Fertile Void”—a space where you can rest and reset. According to the Paradoxical Theory of Change, by fully allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling, you’ll eventually find the energy to move forward. If we allow ourselves to momentarily sink to the bottom of the river our feet touch the river bed from which we can push up firmly. However, if this period stretches on for weeks and starts affecting your day-to-day life, it might be time to seek therapy for additional support.
Another question to consider as you don’t book yet another job is….
When the time is right and you feel ready, ask yourself: What did I learn from this experience? This question can apply to both practical lessons and deeper insights about yourself. Becoming a great actor often involves developing a deeper, truer connection with who you are. This is something you can work on.
For example, I recently learned that my fear still regularly sabotages me at auditions. However, I’ve also learned more about how I can work with it:
What insights have you gained about yourself or your craft recently? Reflecting on these lessons and applying them to your process can be incredibly empowering.
Rejection and demotivation can sometimes become an excuse to avoid fully engaging in the acting process. After all, if you believe you’re not good enough or that the industry is stacked against you, it might feel safer to hold back than risk further rejection.
But consider this: if you did book a job tomorrow, what would you do differently? Would you finally email that agent you’ve been meaning to reach out to? Would you show up to class with more excitement and openness? Would you start enjoying the craft more, knowing that your hard work had paid off?
Now ask yourself: what beliefs would need to change for you to act as if you’ve already succeeded? Maybe it’s the belief that “I’m not good enough” or “Success is only for others.” What would happen if you experimented with behaving as though you’d already booked the job?
Start small:
When you embody the mindset and behaviors of a successful actor, you’re not only breaking the rejection-demotivation cycle—you’re also attracting opportunities that align with your renewed energy.
Another helpful practice is the energy engagement tool, which comes from Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. Think about what energizes and engages you in the acting process. It’s easy to fall into “all-or-nothing” thinking, telling ourselves things like:
Using this tool, you map daily how engaged and energized you feel with regard to different aspects of acting. You might realize that this “all-or-nothing” narrative isn’t true. For example:
Since humans have a bias toward the negative, you’re more likely to remember the frustration with Shakespeare rather than the joy of improv. By tracking your energy levels and recognizing the highs as well as the lows, you can shift your focus and keep yourself motivated even if you’re currently not booking acting jobs.
The Love-Play-Work-Health tool is a simple way to bring balance back into your life. It comes from the Designing Your Life book. Ask yourself:
These areas act as anchors to help you stay grounded and fulfilled, even when acting feels uncertain.
Another way to stay motivated even if you’re currently not booking acting jobs is to….
Reframing is a powerful tool. Instead of seeing rejection as failure, view it as part of the journey. For example:
Recognize “gravity problems” as described in the book Designing Your Life—obstacles that are facts of life and cannot be changed, like the oversaturation of actors in the industry. Instead of dwelling on these realities, reframe them. For example:
Staying motivated as an actor isn’t easy, especially when rejections pile up. But from my experience as an acting coach and therapist, by celebrating small wins, reflecting on what you’ve learned, using tools like Love-Play-Work-Health and the energy engagement tool, and challenging the rejection-demotivation cycle, you can create a sense of fulfillment and progress.
Balance is key—nurturing yourself off the stage will ultimately enrich your performances on it. Every step forward is a victory. Whether it’s learning something new, growing through reflection, or simply showing up to the next audition, you are building the foundation for your success. Take care of your whole self, and the energy to keep going will follow.
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